My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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