My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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