Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
