Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
