mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize