Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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