Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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