So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
