Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
