Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
false alarm, still single
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
