You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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