Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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