loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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