How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
