some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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