Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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