Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
