I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
