Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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