Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize