so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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