guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
