you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
