Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
