Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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