I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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