they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think your dad took our porno
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
