Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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