I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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