Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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