i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
