I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
