you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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