i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
