i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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