I hate all girls vehemently.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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