hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
