It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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