I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
