Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Are we still banned from the library?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
