I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
