Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
