She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
