So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
