I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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