I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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