People in love make me want to vomit
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
