drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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