If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
