forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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