I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize