Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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