I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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