oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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