You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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