in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
