i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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