I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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