Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
