Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
