That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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