I must be too annoying 4 u.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
