1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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