So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
