Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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