I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
