Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
