i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
