dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
