Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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